Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Corellian Rum
by Fenton Hardy Fan
Summary: A jedi knight aided by an Iron Man like bounty hunter, a technician, and a female pilot, must attempt to reclaim a stolen jedi holocron from a prince in charge of a moon.
1. Chapter 1

Sometimes Obi doubted the wisdom of his plans, he always looked with skepticism at plans concocted by other people.

"Who came up with this stupid plan anyway?" he complained, staring glumly at the game board before him.

"You," Sister also studied the game, "It's your turn," she reminded him.

"Here we are, stuck in this tiny, hot, cramped, sweltering, dingy, sweat inducing ship that Chex borrowed—"

"You borrowed," inserted Sister.

"With nothing better to do than sweat and pretend I understand the rules to this overly complicated game—"

"Guess who chucked the instructions out the garbage shoot in a fit of confusion?" interrupted Sister. She was out of sorts also, susceptible to heat and long repeated lists of annoyances.

"And all for what?" Obi decided to ignore her intrusion into his rant, "Why are we doing this? So Maverick can find some fancy shmansy, worthless and completely useless jedi cube."

"Holocron."

"Whatever." Obi moved one of his pieces, but the game board flashed red as a buzzer sounded.

Slapping the table in frustration, Sister raised her voice, "You can't move that piece diagonally, how many times must I tell you? It's the pointy ones who move that way." She undid Obi's move and the game-board fell silent. Now Sister leaned back, her energy spent.

Obi's hand strayed to the box, wordlessly asking if the game was over. Silently they cradled the pieces in the correct foam slots. Unexpectedly, Sister tensed, "Someone is coming."

Matching her quiet, low tone he asked, "What?"

Correctly assuming he meant something along the lines of, "How do you know that?" Sister replied, "I can feel the vibrations," and looked at where her arm came in contact with the metal beside her.

Doubtfully Obi reached out to touch the wall, then slid his fingers up to the ceiling; he could feel someone cautiously walking across the roof towards the only functioning entryway, a narrow circular hatch reached by a rusty ladder.

"You felt that?"

Sister nodded.

"What do we do?" the young man whispered, knowing that as Sister was the designated pilot, she had final say while aboard their borrowed craft. Naturally, he also didn't give a hill-of-beans as to whether she held command or not, he would do as he saw fit. Still, it didn't hurt to ask.

Now Obi could hear someone fumbling with the hatch, and he wished that the ship had a better anti-intruder system. Before rushing to arm himself, Obi stopped to take note of what surrounded him, what he could hide behind, what he could use. In his peripheral vision the young man saw Sister reach for the two blaster-pistols strapped to the underside of the table. She set them to stun, extending her left hand to place a gun in his open right palm. Inwardly, Obi rolled his eyes. The Siblings were gentle by nature, and now was not the first time he wondered what had pushed them into this harsh reality.

"Don't fire until you see who it is," instructed the girl.

"Just great," though Obi, "I really wanted to give the other guy another advantage. I guess it could be—"

Unexpectedly, his brain told him that his eyes were watching Sister clamber up into an empty overhead luggage rack near the working ceiling hatch. "What are you doing?"

"Positioning myself in a location providing a good vantage point, an unexpected location, and a clear shot."

"Obi could hardly hear her over the ever increasing noise emanating from the hatch. Above him, he guessed that the person was bashing the door with a hammer. A moment of absolute silence came unexpectedly. As Obi's ears stopped ringing he heard and recognized a sound, yet couldn't place it. Moments later the hatch fell to the floor of the ship with a startling clang, its red hot edges reminding the young man that the soft sound was that of a cutting torch…


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: I would like to dedicate this chapter to my wonderful Summit roommates. You girls were the best.**

With a resounding crash, a figure covered head to toe with matte, dark grey armor jumped down. At the last moment before firing Obi halted his pointer finger. "Chex?" Smoothly the silver mask slid back, revealing the confident face behind it.

"Precisely what were you attempting to do?" Sister asked Chex as she gracefully swung to the floor. "Prevent us from making an offworld escape?"

Obi grinned, watching Sister's petite figure reprimand the tall, imposing, and metal clad bounty hunter before her. "You're fortunate we didn't shoot you!" she concluded a moment later.

"Sorry, I… forgot the secret knock," admitted Chex.

Obi laughed. Sister leaned against the wall, running a hand through her sweaty hair, "I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have lost my temper." Glancing up through the hole marking where there once had been a hatch, Sister inquired, "Where's Maverick?"

"Um," Chex stepped into the ship's main room, "that's sort of a long story."

"Do tell," Sister encouraged.

"That dunderhead got lost again didn't he? Just like he did on our way to pick up this tiny, hot, cramped, sweltering, dingy, sweat inducing ship that he wanted to borrow for this—"Obi's guess about what had happed to Maverick quickly turned into his well rehearsed rant. Beside him, Chex shook his head and sat on the bench running along the wall.

"We went to the palace," began Chex, reaching for the glass of water Sister offered him, "and were admitted without any problems," he gulped down the liquid.

"Just get on with it already," Obi urged him.

"Maverick's jedi credentials got us all the way to the throne room quick enough. There's not much to say about the place, it had dark wooden paneling, a few brightly clad servants, and a nondescript throne. Oh, and there were half a dozen soldiers too, and eight people waiting around for a meeting, and four lobbyists. Also," Chex hesitated almost imperceptibly, "it wasn't a big room, so it was kinda crowded.

'Prince Joupena,' began Maverick, 'it has recently come to my attention that you have purchased a jedi holocron. As a member of the Jedi Order, I have come to explain to you that it is stolen property, and to return it to its rightful place in the jedi archives.'

I tried to look imposing as the prince sat and mulled over Maverick's message. Then he smiled at us, claimed to have no idea what we were talking about, and ordered his guards to escort the two of us out. So three men came out of a side room, where it looked like they were on a coffeine break, and began to usher us towards the exit.

Right as I turned to leave, this servant girl got in my way. I hit her with my right elbow as I turned, and she dropped the tray in her hands. Naturally, the hot soup spilled on one of the soldiers, the plate of hot food splattered all over one of the lobbyists, and the boiling hot tea gushed all over the Secretary of State."

"Wait," interrupted Sister, "I don't recall you mentioning the Secretary of State."

"He was one of the dudes waiting for a meeting. To get on with it, one of the other servants yelled something, while several people gasped. Those actually hit by the scalding substances screamed, and every weapon in the room was suddenly pointing at us.

Instinctively I KOed the guard to my left as Maverick jumped into the air, launching a kick at one of the soldiers. Spinning to the left I rolled, dodging the first plasma bolt. As I rose, my fists slammed into the remaining two guard's guts, sending them crashing to the floor. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Maverick showcasing impressive hand-to-hand combat as I hurriedly called to the servant, 'Sorry!' and ran for the door. A moment later Maverick was running beside me through a confusing labyrinth of hallways.

'What now?' I asked as overhead a speaker system gave our descriptions and called for our immediate arrest.

'Run until we've escaped?'

'I was sort of hoping you had a plan.'

'Nope,' Maverick shouted as we rounded a corner and came face-to-face with a pair of armed soldiers. As the two of them raised their blasters, we jumped forward. Slamming my target off balance, I punched him repeatedly until he collapsed and passed out. When I looked up, there was Maverick standing calmly over his downed opponent. A smile twitched in his expression, but he didn't say anything.

A minute or two later we were jogging up a flight of stairs. After we reached the top, Maverick abruptly stopped. He glanced at the walls, looking this way and that. 'There is a secret room near here,' he finally announced, nearly whispering.

'Where?' I asked.

'I'm not sure, but I can sense it.'

Figuring that I could find it, I walked down the carpeted hall, counting my steps carefully. When I reached the far end, Maverick appeared to be meditating; fortunately, he wasn't also levitating. Where was I? Oh yeah, I climbed up this flight of stairs to the next floor. As I paced this floor I again counted my steps, walking as quickly as I could. About halfway down the hall, a door unexpectedly slid open and a boy of fourteen of fifteen rushed out, carrying a poorly balanced stack of packages.

There was no time to stop and barely any time to slow down, so I bowled him over, sending brightly colored boxes sliding down the hall. Clearly the boy was one of the palace servants; their livery is unmistakable. Jumping to his feet he snatched up his hat, jammed it onto his head, and began to pick up his packages.

'Oh, this is just smashing,' he sarcastically complained as he straightened up. 'I don't mind being late since I'm planning on quitting today anyway, but this is too much.'

'What?' I asked, priming a knockout dart.

The youth complained on, oblivious to the fact that unconsciousness was only seconds away, 'I have to report you, and then they'll detain me for who knows how long. And there'll be lots of paperwork to do, and I'll have to give my statement a bunch of times, and act as a witness at your trial, and put up with a bunch of unwanted attention from the press, and it just doesn't seem worth it! I don't care if you're a spy.' "

"I like this guy!" Obi interrupted.

Chex took this opportunity to finish off the water in his glass, "I thought you might. Anyway, instead of firing from my wrist the dart of mixed chemicals my suit had just filled, I handed the boy a handful of high value credit ships Maverick had planned to use as compensation to prince Joupena for the holocron. It was no loss of mine to give some away.

'Don't report me,' I grinned, 'just walk out of here now and forget about your last paycheck.'

He looked at the credits he held, 'Thanks mister, I hate this job.'

I looked him over. Who on Manitou 3 had designed the uniforms? 'I don't blame you,' I replied.

With a movement between a nod and a bow, the kid ran off. That's when I realized that I had lost my count. Sighing, I decided to head back down the stairs and check in with Maverick. Down the spiral staircase I went. Pulling the door open a floor down, I found my jedi companion waiting for me. Briefly I explained what had transpired since my departure.

'Are you always so much like Obi?' he asked me, 'Or just in palaces?'

'Neither, I'm just unlucky today.'

Maverick raised his eyebrows, 'Do not speak to a jedi of luck, bounty hunter.' With a bit of a flourish, he raised his right hand and slid aside a painting hanging beside him. Behind it was more of the same tan wall all down the hallway, but also a miniscule raised disc painted a darker brown. Most would think it only a paint splotch, or a speck of dirt, I knew at once it triggered open the entrance to the secret room. As I lifted my hand to tap it, Maverick pressed it with The Force. Before our eyes, a sliver of the wall slid aside. 'Maverick, shouldn't we be looking for a way out rather than exploring?'

'How do you know the holocron is not hidden here? And it will be easier to hide here and escape later tonight. I have no wish to engage the main portion of the Palace Guard, who no doubt are covering all the exits at this moment.'

I pushed past Mav and squeezed through the opening into the dark room beyond. Quickly, my eyes scanned the room. It was a square, each side perhaps three meters long. All of the walls were covered with video monitors showing what I assumed to be parts of the palace. Sitting casually in a swivel chair, facing me, and illuminated only by the pale glow of the screens, was a young woman with heavy eye makeup. I estimated her height to be 1.6 meters. She wore the palace servants' uniform, and had a figure clearly showing her to be female. 'But, you. You're the girl I jostled earlier in the throne room,' I stammered as I recognized her face.

'Welcome bounty hunter, jedi,' she inclined her head, 'I'm Soop, the palace spy. You'll be dears and not tell Prince Joupena that his father spies on him won't you? Thanks to you I've just been fired, and my replacement won't be here for three weeks, but I can't turn you in without compromising myself now can I?' She spun around once in her chair, 'So I may as well be civil, is there anything I can help you Gents with?'

'Actually, yes,' spoke up Maverick, we're looking for a stolen jedi holocron, it's about this big,' he gestured his hands, 'blue, and shaped like a cube.'

'Oh, I believe a package was delivered two weeks ago which could have contained such a thing.' Her hands flew over the controls and soon we watched as the female mando known as Sithkillagal arrived and delivered a package, was paid, and left. Soop deftly switched from camera to camera, tracing the brown paper-wrapped box as it passed from one room to another. Finally, one view showed a servant carrying it through a door.

'And that's all I have gentlemen,' spoke Soop, 'that servant carried it into the private northern wing where I have no cameras. No one has carried it out that I've seen, and that's the only entrance to the wing.'

I handed her the rest of the credit chips as Maverick asked her if we could hide here until dark. Apparently she wasn't too upset about loosing her cover job, since she allowed us to hide in her little room for several hours, and even showed us out along what she said would be the most secluded route. As we slipped into the night, Maverick appeared to be scheming. I thought that curious since we had now successfully escaped.

'Head back to the ship,' he told me, 'I've just had a brilliant idea.'

So here I am, and there's the broken hatch, because I trusted Mav to remember the secret knock, and didn't think to ask him what it was before he slipped away."

"You could have just said that you didn't know where Maverick was," pointed out Obi.

"Yes, but then I would have asked him what happened anyway," Sister picked up Chex's cup and began to wash it. Obi was glad she hadn't asked him to do it, he wasn't sure he felt up to another witty argument.

Unexpectedly, four packages dropped through the open hatch, followed almost silently by Maverick. "Captain, these are for you," he announced as he shoved two of the packages with his foot across the floor to gently come to rest at Sister's feet.

"Hey, didn't you bring me any presents?" Obi asked, deciding he had the energy for a quick disagreement after all.

"These aren't gifts exactly," explained Maverick, "since part of your paycheck each month will go towards paying for them."

"What paycheck? Last I checked I'm not being paid for this mission."

"Oh, I just got you and our pilot hired as Prince Joupena's newest servants." Acting as if he had said nothing of importance, Maverick headed for the 'fresher. Obi heard Sister drop the clean cup into the drying rack in surprise. He was stunned. "What?" he squeaked.

"You both report for work in the morning." Maverick shut the refresher door.

Obi spoke again, this time in his lowest voice, "What."


End file.
